disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamymost awkward queer eye moments
What Is Marriage Coaching? Journal of Moral Philosophy. In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. It is permissible for women and their family guardians to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract that the husband may not marry a second wife against her will. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. The participants expressed the usage of different coping Strategies in polygamous marriage as religion, fate, compromise, and sisterly bond with co-wives. Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women. 70% of those second marriages end in divorce. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. Could Your Relationship Benefit from Marital Counseling? Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mothers experience was awful. Tandler N, Petersen LE. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. Current Psychology. But the . Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. Its not a series of glittering evenings drinking martinis in smoky bars. She also explained, "I never made differences among children". It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. 5. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. Brigham Young and His Wives. Consent i s the keyword. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. And more children too they are all so respectful and loving, a clear example of the home theyre being brought up in.. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. Appointments were previously taken and the interviews were conducted at their places for their convenience. In this concern two research experts (co-authors) were consulted. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. Can expand your gene pool. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. Family Process. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome. Here are some signs that you have allowed the second wife syndrome to fester in your home: Being a second wife to a married man can be overwhelming, and if you are not cautious enough, you might find yourself stuck in a loop of insecurities. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. "If it's mostly. My husband has two wives . The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. mortality is outrageously high and t Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. Go figure. While in many cites it has been claimed that if a man is unable to maintain justice and equality to treat all the wives then the above verse is interpreted as in favour of monogamy [2]. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. He dearly loved his wife, Mary Ann Angell. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". 2015; 12(3): 267-289. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. She tried her best to convince her husband not to get married to another woman but she was not succeeded. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . She was blended with her husband by love marriage. She was a nurse and divorce. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. Archives of Women's Mental Health. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. Participant Mrs. Abdullah stated that in her pain after her 1st husband's death and later divorce from her previous husband due to barrenness when she met her third husband who dealt her effectively with her emotional pain. Rehman J. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." Can I marry second wife? Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. Thats life. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. 2014; 8-10. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. She always imposes a fine of 5,000 Malaysian ringgit (around $1,700) and six strikes of a cane. Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. Second marriages are like that. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. Invest in the future today. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. She stated out of sight, out of mind, She preferred the living arrangement. Even if children are more or less accepting, the ex more than likely wont be ok with the new person in their childs life. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. She explained" in the beginning, my husband ignored me and my daughters and reduces the monthly income for my children. Decisions made by two people in first families are often made or influenced by four or more adults in stepfamilies. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. polyandry, marriage of a woman to two or more men at the same time; the term derives from the Greek polys, "many," and anr, andros, "man." When the husbands in a polyandrous marriage are brothers or are said to be brothers, the institution is called adelphic, or fraternal, polyandry. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. Both babies were through cesarean. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. These reasons are in line to some extent with the current outcomes as infertility and having only female children was also one of the major factors for polygamous marriage. | Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? It can be challenging when you expect those normally happen times of the year to be a certain way, but then they arent so much. Not many people like a second wife. Polygamy; Antecedents of Polygamy; Outcomes of Polygamy; Coping Strategies of Co-wives. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. For Aneesa Azeez, a 23-year-old Muslim convert and college graduate, her husband's . Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. Social Change. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/family-law-blog/2012/october/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/, https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-rules-successful-second-marriage/, Living with a Spouse Who Has Aspergers Syndrome: the Cloud of Secrecy. She was in severe depression after this trauma. The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. This prompted one Javed to petition the Supreme Court that since Muslim. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. "This evening I am with my wife a lone by my fire side for the first time for years," Young wrote in his diary in January 1842. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. We have an ordinary life. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. If that doesnt help, she can then approach his elders and explain exactly what it is thats happening and how shed like them to help. 3. She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). 5. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). Exploring the mediation effects of anger rumination and willingness to forgive on the association between self-compassion and romantic jealousy. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. Minor clashes are part of life to her. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy.
