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Girlfriend Jokes 9. When I am with you, I feel the whole zoo. But today is opposite day so it's all good, Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. getting her an identical one. Are you French? 3. Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces. My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes. Honeydew. 45. He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3" I think we should split up." A woman made the decision to break off her recent engagement and her friend said, what happened? "We can cover more ground that way.". What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? And most of all, it is important that these two women never meet. Canoe. A couple are on a date at a fancy restaurant. it's to the door to open it for her. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Holiday Jokes. I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream. 40. Harry, who? My girlfriend said, Im sick of it. Ill give you a kiss and f you dont like it, you can return it. What is the ideal marriage? My girlfriend left me because I'm too insecure A: A $100 bill. A friend of mine was worried sick after he had lost his guitar. A: Your Girlfriend. Me: "Fine. A pair of plane ticket to Paris magically appeared in the wifes hand. I used to work at a hospital, but I got sick of it. I thought she was joking Knock, knock. My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure girlfriend that wont do what shes told. Whos there? This funny little joke is best said with a completely straight face, and with as little emotion as possible. Knock, knock. I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door. My husband is of the opinion that I am absolutely crazy. They care if you have wine. I have been happily and blissfully married for 5 yearsout of a total of 20. family. I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out. Then she told me to take off her skirt so I did. There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator . Laugh more here: Funny Tennis Jokes 13. I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still had a baby My girlfriend's parents are very religious Below is a list of 80 corny love jokes, puns, and funny flirty knock-knock jokes. Knock, knock. Little did I know that I should have asked for a jury too. And the only available cure for this sickness is marriage. Because youre the only ten I see. Knock, knock. She said, "Is that you or the beer talking?" Whos there? Q: What is the difference between a Girlfriend and a Jokes on them, they're imaginary too. Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. A: A Catholic girlfriend has real orgasms and fake are But I laugh more. My girlfriend from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number. But today is opposite day so it's all good, My girlfriend told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective. Iguana, who? After 2 mins all charges were dropped due to the lack of evidence. But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity. Because they're ill eagles. Will, who? Do you know about the concept of Newtons law? % of people told us that this article helped them. "Good idea," I replied. Knock, knock. [Whats wrong with it?]. 26. [1]Worst Jokes Ever Girlfriend Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_8741_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_8741_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[2]Jokes 4 Us Girlfriend Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_8741_1_2').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_8741_1_2', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }). I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. Knock, knock. 8. We've compiled a list of the most adorable jokes to tell your boyfriend. Does anyone know what "ternative" mean? 39. And I do that by holding a mirror up to her face. Knock, knock. Whos there? girlfriend to show him how to work it. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? My girlfriends dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by Anita, who? Halloween Kid Jokes - Perfect for lunch boxes, print these for free! 47. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. "You weren't even listening to me just now, were you?" Q: Whats the difference between a Catholic girlfriend Knock, knock. I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her The ceremony was nothing fancy, but you could tell that they had a very strong connection. What is the main difference between love and marriage? ", She isn't sick, I just think she can get better. Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. Frank you for loving me. Whos there? Juno, who. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer. My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job". I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS! A: Harry up and kiss me! Told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. Tell you what, give me yours and watch what I can do with it. I told her to close the door on her way back in. Is that how many men youve slept with?, I asked. legs dumps you? ", "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative". I love that our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness. My girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didnt stop pointing out random exits and entrances. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. #challenge #experiment I said you're starting to sound like my girlfriend. Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: Love is the sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. Why don't ants get sick? Were working the first blonde replied. Love is when I walk to the other side of the classroom to sharpen my pen just so I can see her. Knock, knock. Do you mind not yelling about my boobs while Im walking down the street?, Say with a careless tone, Lady, you better direct that beauty somewhere else or youll set the bar on fire.. Whos there? How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend? "Awww, really?" Because after all this time that I have spent searching, I have found the love of my life and it is you. I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes. 48. I thanked her for her 1.56 cents. I told her its unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute. I thought, man, what a weird way to start a conversation. Knock, knock. Ok I said You grab one end and Ill grab the other. Wow, that sure is a big word for an 4. Marriage is an incredible invention, but then again so is the toaster. But if he is the one who decided to get married to me, then that makes him even crazier than I am. Do you know what the big difference is between love and marriage? She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?". Son? My mother asked him what line he used on me and my boyfriend replied, I just used a modem., I wish men didnt expect me to be skinny, gorgeous and sexy and then make fun of me for the effort it takes. 32. I hope she gets the message that were not working out. 15. Aldo, who? Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I like you a latte." 4 "What flower is the best at kissing? Try our 100 Best Dad Jokes, 175 Bad Jokes, 101 Chuck Norris Jokes, 101 Funny Puns, 50 Math Jokes, 101 Clean Jokes, 101 Funny One Liners and 200 Jokes for Kids. My girlfriend's such a bad cook, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. 2. My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. From classic dad jokes to flirtatious puns and dirty innuendos, theres a joke out there for everyone. 34. My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was arrested on suspicion that i was too good in bed 21. 0 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BriannaPlayz: Escaping 100 Layers of ICE vs Crayons! Love is like having to pass gas. A: I Whos there? Cynthia you went away, I have been missing you so much. Whos there? Will. Whos there? far. ..because she calls me her sixty-second lover. Mary. Q: Why are girlfriends like condoms? But your presence is sure proving him wrong!. 36. I hope she gets the message that were not working out. Do you know how to tell if your girlfriend is getting fat? These are some dark humor jokes! If you are cute, you can call me baby. A: Your girlfriend makes it hard! He gave her a ring. Q: How do you turn your girlfriend into an elephant? Anita kiss from you. jokes to tell your sick girlfriend. Ill steal your heart and you can steal mine. Well, the second blonde chimed in, Theres usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick.. My My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. Oh wait, she's back. Lets move in together!, One day, a husband told his wife that her rear end was getting so big that it was as big as their grill. Im so sick of people saying stealing is wrong. Ivana spend the rest of my life with you. That feeling is actually all of your common sense leaving your body. I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. Did you hear about the virus that made all the teachers sick? My girlfriend dumped me on 9/11. Q: What do you call the daughter of a hamburger? know, Shes 7. In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and goI've never seen any signs of a stalker. Luke, who? Whats the name of Mr. Ts girlfriend? How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? Whos there? You know shes a keeper. Me: I understand. 19. And for the main course? A: Vel-crows. This article has been viewed 417,918 times. I just don't know whether it's my wife, or girlfriend. Funny how different sisters can be. My last girlfriend left me for being unnecessarily mysterious We'll be friends forever because you already know too much. My name is Microsoft. Why is it wise to never break up with a goalie? Do you want to know why my husband and I will never ever need a marriage counselor? To which the girlfriend replied, thats not very much at all!. A: A Anita. Q: Why shouldnt you lie to your girlfriend when shes You are always pretending to be a Transformer!" Thats the best Ive done so It seems I can't take anything out on time. Then she told me to take off her skirt so I did. I hope she gets the message that we arent working out. With any luck, you'll see her crack a smile. She said something about 'waiting until they're born', She said, "Is that you or the beer talking? Loyalty is very important for my wife My girlfriend treats me like a god. But I knew shed come crawling back to me. An archaeologist is definitely the best husband a woman could ever have. My girlfriend is furious with me because she found a bunch of hidden letters that revealed I was cheating on her. There is a special place where a man can touch a woman that will make her go crazy. Snow. Juno. Because they have little anty-bodies. A: Their Women can fake an orgasm, while men can fake a whole relationship. It breaks my heart to see you sick. I thought it was love at first sight! To which the woman replied, but the second and third ones changed my mind.. What Did? Eyesore, who? I am getting sick and tired of gravity It's always bringing me down! A second good shirt. "We can cover more ground that way. ", Today I got a girlfriend Have you ever been fishing before? I just need to work out if thats my wife or my girlfriend. Pauline. I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS! My girlfriend left me because I kept pretending to be a transformer Because I just scraped my knee falling for you. When a man goes and steals your wife, the best revenge that you can have is to let him keep her. 1. My friend's girlfriend is 6 months pregnant, they asked if I wanna put my hand on the baby. I want you inside me. Abby anniversary, my love! Been thinking about you all day. Q: Why do women have tits? Cool guy, wants to be a web designer. pedophile. Why do painters always fall for their models? I love it when my girlfriend says men think with their penises If only gravity would just go away and let us float to space! 25. Knock, knock. Cereal, who? ", I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend. Here are some jokes for you. Romantic love is a mental illness, but it is a pleasurable one. Why do men like to fall in love at first sight? I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad. Whos there? Apparently it's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. Hold out your hand and say, Would you be kind enough to hold this while I go out for a walk?. A: So theyd have at You should never be in a big rush to end your marriage with your spouse. She fits in your wifes clothes, My girlfriend just screamed at me for tickling my child's feet Liquor in the front and poker in the back. Q: Why didnt the man report his stolen credit card? really ruined our 10th anniversary. My wife gets angry that I keep introducing her as my ex-girlfriend. Owl always love you! My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair Because love means nothing to them! If your girlfriend starts smoking.. 20. Keith. Olive, who? You should know that no one understood it was an April Fools' joke. 24. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French. What did one butt cheek say to the other? But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine is gone. Knock, knock. That's one way of making sure I'll never forget. So I packed her bags and left. Her: "Go ahead." I thanked her for her 1.56 cents. Can I borrow a kiss from you? If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put the letters U and I together. Dark humor isn't for everyone. Is everyone here in this room with me now?, The daughter replies, Yes Dad, were all here! Who's there? Get well soon! Amish, who? Forget about the butterflies. My girlfriend says I'm an idiot who can't do anything right. Frank, who? I would tell you a joke about my girlfriend. Q: What do you call a girlfriend with an opinion? Love is getting mad at someone, telling that person to go to hell, and hoping that they get there safely. Im a lot shorter than this in reality but Im just sitting on my billfold. Little did I know that I should have asked for a jury too. On a scale of 1 to 10, you are the only 1 for me. My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. I thought, man, what a weird way to start a conversation. Eyesore do love you a lot. You're attractive." 3 "What did the barista say to their crush? The funniest joke of all time is my love life. But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity. His reply was, I am missing you.. Big hands. What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party. 9. Okay, go!. Funny Jokes to Tell Your Girlfriend 1 "What did one raspberry say to the other? Oh wait, she's back. Boyfriend: Wanna see a magic trick? He watched as they moved up the street doing this over and over again. And that is because you really ticked me off yesterday. Apparently 1 out of 3 people cheat in a relationship A mathematician couldn't remember if he had been with his girlfriend for 1 year or 2. The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. Q: What do you call your ex-girlfriend with Pms and Esp? Funny Sick Jokes & Puns I got my girlfriend a "Get better soon" card. From the day you are born, it works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, right up until you fall in love. My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. really love you with all my art! 10. Get well soon honey. and a Pit Bull? Take her wheel chair, shell come crawling back. After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. It was the hardest dump I ever took. Whos there? I love everyone. If you get sick at the airport, it could be a terminal illness. I want to split up. Our love will never become cold and hollow unless one day you refuse to swallow. With that in mind, check out the top 49 girlfriend jokes that you should definitely not repeat to her. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow Bigamy is having one wife too many, but monogamy is the same. How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? My name, my address, my phone number, My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time, I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt. My girlfriend treats me like God. Cereal blessing to be married to you. It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. 14. Marriage, on the other hand, is the eye opener. A:. A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Ivana, who? What can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend? The husband said that he was always jealous of the older men with much younger and prettier wives and he wished for a wife who was 20 years younger than him. 19. We must both be subatomic particles because I feel this strong force between the two of us. She isn't sick, I just think she can get better. What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party. Only you can feel the warm sensation from such an experience. 37. Whos there? Ive been looking for my ex girlfriends killer for the My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. Oh, man! 7. Must be the high Mercury content.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_2',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_3',660,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_4',660,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_5',660,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_3');.banner-1-multi-660{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Ben. She said Im mature, Im moral, Im pure, Im polite and ultimately Im perfect! Not a problem, well send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!. A: The washing machine doesnt follow you around for two weeks My girlfriend really changed after she became a vegan. You may get sick for a few days but my love for you lasts forever. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. And it is just as important to have a woman who can keep you happy in bed. Whos there? What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? Norma Lee. What did the leper say to the sex worker? past two years. My girlfriend said I'm horrible at fixing Appliances. 46. My girl isn't that weak. You never know if you might need them to finish a sentence. Whos there? My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think I am gonna buy a Polar Bear. (Girl why?) "In your daughter" is the wrong answer. You can speak them out loud to get an eye roll and a giggle, or write them down in a card, note, or letter to add a little humour. My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me The Love Machine These sick jokes really are sick! Homeless. Never laugh at your significant others choices because you happen to be one of them. How about doing some community work by sparing some space for the needy? I think you might have something in your eye. Do you know why boyfriends are like cars? This is /r/jokes. I have not spoken to my wife in quite a few years. You must go and see a doctor lady! Did I tell you that the girl I have been seeing works at the zoo? Please get well soon. You are like my dentures. What do a good woman and a good bar have in common? I got a girlfriend today! Girlfriends are great. gooey mess to clean up. Knock, knock. I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. When I finally stammered out Hhow does the hotel have their own doctor on call?, he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied: Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician.. Her: Come over. In 2017, a group of Austrian neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and they highlighted the fact that people who recognize dark humor, so humor surrounding death . "No it doesn't," I said. My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24 Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass by you again? Norma Lee. Best. Ideas for the top 49 girlfriend jokes come from the following sources. However, they can also involve more lighthearted subjects such as race relations/racism, gender issues, or disabilities. Gosh, we are so alike!. I think we should split up.". My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. Whos there? and a Jewish girlfriend? Muffin in this world can keep us apart. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. But if you are hot, you can call me tonight! A: A 1) Good shirt. I love you berry much." 2 "What did the magnet say to the fridge? jewelry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Aldo anything to make you happy. Read on to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.. 101 Clean Jokes. We went and had drinks. But things went awry from the start when I said: "Hello! What is the difference between arguing with your girlfriend and arguing with a knife? My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, How can I stop my addiction? 1. It was love at first bite! My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to get out of debt with you. Elf Jokes - Printable cards are perfect if you have an elf on the shelf - they are funny even if you don't) St Patrick's Day Jokes. 6. If she fits in your wife's clothes. Knock, knock. Oh, hold on, thats just a twinkle, How on earth do you do that? (Girl what?) One-liners make them easy to remember and seamless to drop in conversations and cards. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. Knock, knock. You must be an interior decorator because when you walked in the room was suddenly beautiful and perfect! May you recover soon! "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative" Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook. A: Amish. If I have to choose between men and shoes, I will choose shoes. Knock, knock. I must be hunting treasure because Im digging your chest. What My Girlfriend Thought on the First Four Dates I lost Interest in that relationship. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two. During the second year of the marriage, the wife speaks and the husband listens. All rights reserved. Because Eiffel for you. When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed The dock.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_9',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Because they have little anty bodies.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_12',662,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude. Happy reading and happy joking! "Only with you babe" I replied Laugh more: Funny Cleaning Jokes. You can do it. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? For example, they might make fun of serious stuff like death, murder, wars, and so on. Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
